Anxiety, Stress, Panic Attacks and Sickness, The Holy Spirit is at work

If you suffer from this as many do. I have had anxiety since I was six years old accept I never understood it or recognized it as anxiety. I had a pretty traumatic childhood and a lot of abuse. I can remember laying on my bed frozen listening to sounds. Over the years I have during periods of high stress had panic attacks not just anxiety. I had no idea what I was experiencing was normal & figured I was just messed up. I always felt like I was messed up & kept it to myself. First & foremost it's your bodies way of telling you there is something that needs to be healed. I am not a therapist or a doctor and am just giving you MY testimony. It's scary, the thoughts are terrible and you can feel helpless or hopeless. I learned as much as I could about anxiety, but only after this situation caused me to get physically sick for over a year. I couldn't leave the house. I would wake up trembling. I couldn't sleep at night, by the time I fell asleep it would be some crazy hour. I learned that you can have mental anxiety or physical anxiety and you don't have to have them both at the same time. My favorite phrase to repeat "No one dies from anxiety",  so if you think you are or your thoughts tell you that it's not true. It can make you feel like you think you are crazy or loosing your mind. Crazy people don't know they are crazy by the way. You have to learn to get out of you head which can be tricky to master but it can be done. You can have attack after attack but truthfully if you don't fuel them with your thoughts they won't last long. When you have anxiety you are breathing from the chest not your diaphragm. This causes symptoms of light-headedness or feelings like you "can't breathe." You are breathing, just not properly from your stomach. Put your hands on your stomach if it's not going up & down you have to try to control your breathing. I go to this website and  use the information I felt it helpful and I bookmarked  on my phone because my thoughts would become so scattered I couldn't think straight. http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/treatment/breathing-exercises. I never suffered with sickness like this until these people started to harass me in 2009. After so many years of abuse from Danbury and the Board members and their dysfunctional antics, the therapist said I developed PTSD. The Lord healed me from that. 

I have had all random symptoms. I felt like I couldn't breathe, my thoughts were scattered, my feet were cold, chest pain, diarrhea, felt dizzy, light headed, tingling in my neck, arms, hands, nausea, tired, depressed. I was afraid at one point to let my heartbeat too fast because it would set off an attack. What I read about someone who had the same issue accept they asked a cardiologist about it. A healthy heart is a beating heart was what the doctor said. You can become hypersensitive to your body and paying attention makes it worse. They won't explode and you won't have a heart attack. That pain for me was gas, when I drank water I burped and then laugh at myself. I started by going to my doctor and getting all my bloodwork done to rule out anything physical. I had to repeat a mantra that, I am strong, healthy & vibrant.  I have even had an attack working out.

How I learned to try to combat anxiety. I listen to the sermons on my church's app. I pray, meditate (when I say meditate I mean listening to my breathing & telling myself simple affirmations like I choose to be calm). I invite God into all aspects of my life. Prayer is earthly license for heavenly intervention. I try to eat healthy, right on time. If I can't eat on time I have snacks. I use a heating pad on my chest. I take a shower or bath. Sometimes I just move around because sitting still sometimes is worse. Since I was saved my anxiety is almost gone. From time to time I have some, but I know what to do to stop it as soon as it starts. The key in my mind is to find as many tools to put in your emotional tool box as possible. Heal your hurts. Let go of anger because no one can feel it accept you & can become toxic. Forgive- It's not that I'm letting them off the hook. I just love myself more. I am following the words Jesus said when asked about forgiveness. The most important thing is God, putting him first.

Since I was saved and baptized I have had no -ZERO panic attacks. After suffering for over a year with sickness, panic attacks and all the heartache this situation has caused, I do have some anxious thoughts or a symptom here or there maybe I start to concentrate on my breathing especially being dragged to court repeatedly and knowing that the courts are not in your favor no matter what has been a challenge. I know to manage them now so that they don't escalate and with the help of the Holy Spirit he strengthens me. Where there was anger it was melted and replaced with love. God is amazing and I am so thankful! It's not just because I am believing in God it's because his love for us surpasses anything we can imagine. I hated people. I was so angry. For the first time in my life I had experienced true hatred for the people hurting my family. My children kept me grounded so I didn't loose my temper. If you knew the old me, before I had children I would have been all over that. All of it has been removed & replaced  with a love and compassion so great I cannot express it with words.

Let me also tell you that I could not stand the thought of Catholic Church  and vowed to never go back and refused to listen when I was repeatedly suggested to go back to church. No offense Catholics. I just never had the connection and felt bored. I didn't like the idea that my girlfriends bi-racial kids could not be baptized. It shocked and hurt me. Jesus loves everyone. Yes everyone -not just white people. ALL people.  Even the tax collectors and adulterers. I thought as long as I believed in God church did not matter. It does matter. I couldn't see how until I started going and my life was forever changed. I will never stop going.
I started off with Bronchitis and Severe Anxiety Attacks due to all the stress from what the Board members did to my family. It was so bad I couldn't leave my home. I would get into the car & just cry. I didn't want my kids to see, so I tried to hide as much as I could. Some days I would wake up withy hands shaking. I was on my couch or in my bed. It was torturous. I was angry and I often felt vengeful hateful to these people. Although I didn't act on it because I have children who look to me to lead by example. No family should have to endure the constant attack we have endured. I forgive ALL of them because they are emotionally bankrupt and I heard the Holy Spirit tell me in church to forgive.

I couldn't take the medications. I was rushed to the ER on three occasions because I thought I was dying and afraid. I was continuously sick for over a year. I even had anxiety over taking the medication & was afraid to get addicted to the Xanax. I never did. I also needed to be aware so I could still be a good mom to my kids. My daughter became petrified to sleep in her own bed. All the negativity had sucked me in, sucked my family in. She is 7 but all this craziness started when she was 4, my baby, that's what hurt me the most started having anxiety attacks, stomach aches. She told me she felt afraid to die. I knew she was having anxiety attacks because I was having them. We were really suffering.

We started Christian based therapy.  The more I learned about Anxiety it helped me understand how to cope with it until God heals me. My friend showed me how to tapp. It's also known as EFT. I stopped doing it when I realized that its not Christian. God made the universe and we don't worship his creation. satan lives on Earth and anyone worshiping the Universe isn't worshiping the Lord. In case you are wondering my energy source is God and Jesus he is my Lord & savior. It was the answer I needed to replace the Xanax. It was a healing that my soul needed & she knew it. I have a few friends who saw me suffering and helped me with EFT. From the time I went to church my life changed tremendously.. The immense peace & love I feel within my soul is AMAZING! People say oh it's the people and it's the belief. NO it's God and being born again. I have the the Holy Spirit living inside of me and I feel his presence. I realize that the accuser had worked through these people to attack my family. God worked through others to bring us to him and replace what was stolen. I used tapping until I got saved and then it stopped working...Just like that...so I started to use Gods words to drive away the anxiety. I read my bible, I praise and worship. I feel the amazing peace given by the Holy Spirit and I keep it moving.

My situation is the same, yet it is completely different. My husband and I are close. We never let anything get between us and more than ever  things have become closer. I didn't think it was possible. I don't know what will happen but I have a BIG GOD! Amen.

I have started to forgive them, because Jesus is my example. I used the talent that God gave me and then I pray for the Holy Spirit to guide my words. God knows the problem before it exists and he has a plan. So far it has been amazing to watch him work, and I know his plan is far from over. I realize this place is dark and the way to make the darkness flee is to have the light enter. I also realize that God has placed us here because Holy Spirit has worked it out for us in his time. I know he said I need you there for now and when I am ready I will move you. It is about his plan and not mine. I know my God will not fail me and he will be right on time. Amen! I patiently wait for my miracle that I know that not only God will provide but that ONLY he can provide it! I thought people would help me, and I'm not saying he won't work through people because he will, but only he can fix this mess!

If you are being attacked by the accuser don't be afraid to Pray and ask for help. God answers prayers and I am walking proof.  I hope this message reaches you and helps you! Remember God is the divine healer! God Bless!

My Letter to Common Counsel

After dealing with lawyer after lawyer I was instructed to write a letter to Common Counsel. I did this. I sent it and it was received February 4th (signed for by the City). Here it is ... Attention Common Counsel: I pray for Gods favor as you read this it's softens your heart & that you listen with an open heart & mind. Then you take action to do the right thing and give us our land for $1. I bought a home in 2005 that was grossly misrepresented to my husband & I. I'm sure by now you all already know who we are and if you don't than I'm a little shocked. Just being honest. I asked for help in 2009. I am asking for help today and even if you don't like my husband I'm asking you is it justified to punish my children and keep them from having a better life based on that fact? If the City chooses to not sell my land back that it mistakenly purchased for $1 in 1970, that houses my septic, than I am forced into a position of not being able to sell my home. My home should have never have been sold to me under these circumstances and I will not be able to pursue my family's dream of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness as we were promised by the Constitution and the City of Danbury will be the direct and only cause of that fact. I was sued after asking for help. I forgive those involved with this intentional and callus action. I was sued for property that does not in fact belong to the City. I was secondly sued for "a driveway" that according to the legal definition is in fact not a driveway. I am simply asking you to honor the oath you take as an elected official to imagine that someone was doing this to your daughters and mother. Would you not react in anger. Jesse James lost his mind over it..Taking someone's land has been the cause of wars & destruction of society's so you can imagine the emotional pain it's cause us. If your experience was to find so much happiness and Joy that you found your dream home, started a family and then you worked ALL your life to get to a position that you earned with your sweat and hard work.....To find out that because someone is judging you for things that you did in your past but changed your life around and became the person society demands you to be....yet you get punished repeatedly for doing all the right things. Put yourself for a moment in those shoes. For those of you who have done things that you regret and cannot take back then you are human just like my husband. I on the other hand have never as much gotten a speeding ticket. I do not take the loose candy in the store and I am a Christian woman who believes that people deserve second chances in life, that's why I married my husband. I am a small business owner and I give back to the community. My children are seven and three. They no longer sleep alone because they are afraid. We are all in therapy for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder due to the direct actions of the people involved in trying to force us to leave our home & yet also forcing us to NOT be able to move. My seven year old draws pictures in therapy of my husband in hand cuffs with tears streaming down his face. I cannot achieve a better life for my family because I cannot sell my home. By law it says, by Adverse possession the land belongs to me. Property Owned in Proprietary Capacity (3 Am Jur 2d Adverse Possession § 271) Some jurisdictions distinguish between property that is held in a governmental capacity and that which is owned by a governmental unit in its proprietary capacity. In these jurisdictions, the general rule is that land or property of a municipality that is not held for a public use, but is held in a proprietary or business capacity, may be acquired by adverse possession, unless there is a statute that establishes a different rule. There is no purpose for The City to possess ownership over the land. It's my yard where my children play. My fence was forced to be taken down and if either one of my children go after a ball or fall in the wrong way, they can be seriously hurt or killed by a speeding car. In fact, if the City continues to claim possession of the land and decides that it wants to keep claiming possession that I'm forced to stay in an unhealthy environment for my children and my sanity. This land is not a right-of-way and has never been and could never be. It's a yard that belongs to a family and has always belonged to a family. The septic has been in the land since 1945, pre-existing non-conforming and has been in there since. In the zip code 06811, there isn't even running City Water, so the perspective of "widening the road", let's face it, it's not going to happen. Putting politics to the side, the City has no need for my yard where my kids play or my septic system. Even with a "land use agreement". I cannot sell my home. There is no common sense reason to claim possession of the land for The City. In fact it's financially more beneficial to get the property tax money on the land for eternity that it is now not collecting. What I'm asking is, What do you plan on doing to make this right for my family, for a seven & three year old girl who are crammed in a 9x11 bedroom, with neighbors who frighten them. My three year old got in an elevator with an officer and began shaking, she then had an accident in her pants & she's potty trained for some time. Please even if you cannot forgive or just choose the side of the person you think is a "nice guy" because you see them everyday, or they smile at you at the water cooler. I forgive that because my God told me that's what I'm supposed to do as a human being. I am asking you to have Mercy on my innocent children. My husband & my only goal is to have a better life for our children. That is why we moved to this neighborhood. We have earned the right to live here too. My husband is a good Christian man, he tried in a wrong way to defend his family when they were attacked for no reason. If you were in his shoes would you try to verbally defend your family. What if you are arrested based on your past & not real events. How would you feel then? Would you lash out, get angry, curse at the people lying about you. Would it be right? Would it be justified? I encourage you to come meet me. Take a look for yourself, with your own eyes at what has been taken from my children. Please give us our land back for $1. What are going to do to make it right for a family? Sincerely, Hollene Gohn

A letter to the AV Board

As I write this letter I say a prayer for you because I don't know if you realize the depth of what you have done to my family, or even sadder even care.....especially my children. You have lied, plotted, even stole from my family. You have caused chaos and havoc in my kids life and I want to say Thank You. Due to all of your horrible, negative, dysfunctional behavior and your intent to harm my family, we are stronger. I am wiser, my children are healthier emotionally and my cup runneth over. God uses ALL things to create good and he did. God was so good he not only blocked all the hurt you intentionally tried to cause but he blessed my family abundantly as a result of it. When Jesus said when asked the question, How many times should I let me neighbor sin against me, Jesus replied 490. I have turned my cheek over & over because Jesus said I should when my human instinct was other than turning my cheek. My husband has shown an incredible amount of self-control and truthfully I have too. My family has experienced above & beyond bullying, being singled out & no one should ever have to experience such horrible actions intentionally inflicted on us. You no longer can effect us or hurt us, even if you continue on the same destructive path you have been on than I will let you know My God is bigger than you & will shut you down every time. He has & will.
Amen!

The word community definition is a group of people living in the same place or having a particular characteristic in common. What's sad is that we have nothing in common. I would never have done any of the things you attempted to do to my family. I teach my children not to lie, that it's wrong. I teach my kids we do not intentionally hurt others. I also show them by example that I am the better person by simply not engaging in the dysfunction. My husband and I worked our butts off to get to where we are in life and we did not attack anyone, we defended ourselves and we had every right. It was Justified. We have earned the right to live wherever we choose to live. If you are not happy with that than maybe you should do some soul searching & figure out what's missing inside of yourself. You did not have the right to do the things you have done, they were inexcusable in fact it's downright devious behavior. We began to be sucked in to this behavior and constantly being surrounded by your negativity had caused us to become angry just like you.

I want you to know, even though I know you are not sorry, I forgive you anyway. I often stop & pray for you because it's very sad to live in anger everyday & all of your actions show me that you are very sad and emotionally bankrupt inside. Happy, normal people do not plot to hurt their neighbors, they do not lie to police, insurance companies or go out of their way to run someone out of his own home. I pray that God finds his way into your lives. Where their was pure hatred I now feel compassion. Where their was rage I now feel love. Thank you God for listening to my prayers, calling me back to you. Thank you God for blocking all the attack of the enemy and for pouring your favor over my children who now have an unshakeable faith. Lord you have brought my husband & I even closer to one another which I didn't think was possible. Thank you God for your shield of protection.